[Originally posted on November 11, 2011. Surprisingly, this is the most viewed and shared post I have ever written. The internet is mesmerized by Pa Landon’s apple-cheeked death gaze.] An essential part of growing up for any virgin to life is to have your spirits lifted, then promptly trampled on by Michael Landon. Growing up, […]
Tag Archives: childhood
Angry Birds
I am a huge football fan. A big reason for this was how I was raised – my dad was a high school football coach for nearly 30 years, and I have been going to games since I was a fetus. I remember being a kid and not wanting to be a cheerleader because they […]
The Ways I’d Show My Parents
As kids, there is nothing we want more than to taste sweet, sweet revenge when we don’t get our way. As for me, I was a 7 year-old Count of Monte Cristo – when someone wronged me, I had an overly elaborate plan to get back at them. I knew it would take time to […]
Picture Pages, Picture Pages
Back in the 80s and early 90s, Nickelodeon used to run a little short between shows called Picture Pages, with a very 70s-looking, groovy, (possibly stoned or more likely severely fatigued) Bill Cosby. I used to get excited when these little shorts came on, but I felt a little left out. I wanted to get […]
The Queens of the In Crowd
*Names with an asterisk have been changed Our bus rolled up to the campgrounds, and we all filed out of the bus in the most angsty teenager way possible. Too cool for school, too cool for nature. I looked around. For one week, I’d be stuck in the middle of the woods with a bunch […]
When a Grandma Isn’t of the Cookie-Baking Variety
Despite not growing up in a religious household, I was a pretty spiritual kid. I was baptized as a Catholic, and that was the only time I was in a church until I was 15. I’ve always had an odd relationship with Christianity. I was out of the traditional fold of religion, but tended to […]
Tales of an Almost Runaway
I was very young when I first wanted to run away. When I was two or three, my mom bought me a black raspberry ice cream cone at Friendly’s while she chatted with one of her friends for lunch. The ice cream was delicious and the prettiest color of purple I had seen. I joyfully […]
How Tom & Jerry Made Me a Vengeful God
[Warning! Sailor-like language and imagery that may either upset children or give them a sense of the sweet, sweet taste of evil revenge.] There were a few cartoons in my childhood I watched religiously but hated the designated “good guys:” He-Man, She-Ra, Josie and the Pussycats, and Tom and Jerry all come to mind. The […]
The Bartered Bribe
[As always, * indicates a name change] A 0? A 0?!? But I actually tried this time. Mrs. Veruca* had us grade each other in class by passing our papers to the left. I handed the latest Grammar homework to my Elementary School Nemesis.* After grading, she handed it back to me with a solemn […]
Team Sugar
My sisters stared at the wall of sugary cereals at the local grocery store for guidance. My mother told them to pick me up a box of cereal, but did not specify which one to buy. They thought about the different cereals I ate in the past, and asked themselves, “what is the most artificial-looking, […]